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Monday, January 6, 2025

spiritual experience in a league of legend game

 So i'm playing an aram game in league and I get Taric. Aram is a game mode where each team has random champions and you fight along one single lane instead of the normal like 3 lane structure of mobas. By luck I get Taric. who is one of the characters I use to main, and who I also have an affinity towards interestingly enough, storywise. anyway I'm thinking whatever you know, just another game. and well the game starts the worst possible way with our team feeding 4 kills to Jinx, who's like a super late game carry. so in essence these 4 kills like skyrocketed her 10 minutes in the future; so in a sense its almost like we lost the game in the first 3 minutes. at that point I don't know whaat happened but like I in a sense like became incredibly calm yet focus. the soundtrack of the game played and wwell, it's almost like I became Taric.

Taric has a certain swagger about him yet beauty and elegance, and in a way perhaps a part of me aspires to that character because in his story he was damned and sent to death, but his best friend vouched for him and he managed to climb mount targon which is like an alternative to execution (most people die trying to climb) and he succeeds and ends up ascending to godhood. this is kinda like mount olympus or mount everest but more spiritual in the sense that no one ever does it and the gods are said to live atop it. in a way he's a redemption story because he was like a loser and a lost cause who had nothing left but ascended from the ashes a new man. as the time is going through our team is getting pummeled but i am stalling the game and the thing with taric is he is such a unique character. He is a tank a healer as well as a duelist which is an incredibly uncommon combination. He also is surprisingly hard to use and rather unorthodox in that his E stun skillshot is a vector that attaches to allies. Think of something like Zenyatta's orbs and when I aim my skillshot it shoots out of both them and my own character. Thus in a sense when you use Taric your teammate must play around your skillshot and they essentially become an extension of yourself. 

Playing this out there was something about the atmosphere of the game... this aspect of taric just somehow touched me deeply this game and i felt a sense of oneness with my teammates. nothing of this sort has happened before. Taric also has an ultimate wwhere there is a set delay and anyone near his aura and the linked teammate becomes invulnerable for about 3 seconds.

As you can see Taric is a character which requires many things. He requires his teammates to understand his mechanics, he requires the player to feel out his teammates, and Taric's teammates must essentially treat Taric as an extension of themselves. 

Yet at the same time he is an incredible duelist. His engage is inconsistent as he has short range, thus he is classified as a warden, a tank which excels in ddisengage (enemies trying to dive you) rather than engage. We are losing every single fight, I respawn, my team is wiped, yet I manage to flash and juke around the backline and take 2 of their carries. I am the only one alive and I emote to my opponents. In a way I am becoming Taric and well, I am climbing the mountain just as he did. This is what I felt, I felt like I was using Taric as a conduit to my own life and I was fighting for my salvation. It's hard for Taric to get in but once he's in, he's in. After getting these kills, i bait the opponents to come fight me more thinking its a free kill. i fat finger my ult but in a twist of fate it ends up working out as my teammates beginning to respawn make use of the resource exchange (my ult for their ult0


The battle continues, and we are slowly coming back. Our team lacks engage as as I mentioned Taric is not a traditional tank. Taric begins to speak his quotes in game as we patiently dance in the neutral: 

"That glimmer of hope you see, that's me."

 "To truly see the stars, I climbed."

 "The mountain reveals the harshest truths in our souls."

 "The stars freed me from myself."

I begin to hear these quotes as the soaring of the ost of bridge of progress plays. Whichever quote it was exactly it does not matter for in that moment, I embodied all of them. it was as if Taric was truly there and was helping guide me to victory. or rather, i was becoming the character in real time. We manage to break their lines, and I assume at this point the game was over. alas we break both of their nexus turrets sand I am smashing the inhibitor as they are respawning. 

And thus I make a fatal mistake. I overcommit anad our whole team gets wiped, it was not enough to end the game, and nexus remained at around 30% hp. I respawn aand they are retaliating nearly twice as hard, and I make another once again fatal mistake. I get baited into a fight while my team is scattered, and I prematurely die right as I respawn. And so the game is over, it seems. I am disappointed yet calm. Like Taric who was initially sent to execution, I was content in my death. i was content to this end. Everyone is saying ggs, the FF votes are going. and I'm ready to walk away from this one.

but... it is not over 

they have no minions, they have no wave. no, the battle; the climb to the top of the mountain. it is not done. we get one last chance. i respawn and at this moment it is clear that I am not the only experiencing this intense experience. both teams begin to suffer and both teams frontlines attempt to bait either of us to make the first move... I am literally in front of their front line but neither of us are making the first move. in a way it is akin to a Mexican standoff whre either side knows that whatever happens next, it is truly over. we dance around even further for a good 3 minutes, and something happens. one of my teammates wastes a fundamental spell, and one of their spellcasters engages on them. I realize that this is it, and I commit. I use my flash wwhich is a 3minute cooldown, a spell which allows you to instanteously blink a short distance. I use it while aiming my E and exactly hit their wincon; their Jinx. It was as if spiritual forces itself ordained it, for my aim was very precise. This scatters their team, as half of the must protect their baby; their strongest teammate, while the other half preoccupy themselves with the battle my other teammate started in the backline. I press my R; Cosmic Radience. And the timing is perfect, as right before my teammates die in the backline the effect comes online and they become invulnerable, allowing themselves to win the skirmish. After walking back to the backline to ensure the skirmish is a success, I stun their carry in the frontline, as amidst all that chaos, she wasn't sure whether to join the fight or retreat, and thus was out of position. 

We wipe their whole team, and it is over. I tell my teammates that it was an amazing game, and as the strings soar as we finish the game, the emotions i feel relating it all to my life allegorically and metaphorically through my subconscious it comes out and well; to be frank, I haven't felt this way after playing a video game before. atleast, not for a long time. after the game I get inspired, I get hopeful, I attempt to process what I just experienced. and so it is; and so here I am|


Saturday, May 4, 2024

Inveigler

You are but a tool, to be used and discarded

Your heart unchaste, nothing of value imparted.

Thou art not unseen, beastly being of scorn

Menagerie of colorless dye, in cantankerous form


Inveigler of self, an eye now splotched out.

Puppeteered by tears it speaks:

"Quiver thee in fears ye meek!"


Superego tainted in serpentine puss,

so awakened thine id to abnegated bliss

Subjects purveyed by your shadowy lips,

and Born anew to propagate the curse of Abyss.


A bevel to your final days, the basis of your grafting,

psychoanalyzed in Athena's acting.

Automated thoughts subsisted to exhaust,

for in her theater of absurdity, existence is the cost.


Effaced in the wards of Godly opposition,

your aspirations met with cosmic derision.

Torn by its seeds, then cleaved in accretion;

The neuro-secretes as they fuse in cohesion.


Birth of your creation: a God of Deletion,

a culmination of obsessive completion.

Its seeds chanting softly: a Song of Depletion; 

The concierge of your mind lost to lust


Eyes once chained begin to brine,

rabidity satiated by a child's sigh.

Symbols scryed in a marinated apathy;

Embalmed with humility - then shoved 

unto decadent tranquility.


As your harbinger wakes from its maw,

she comes bearing the face of her doll.

Accompanying the Eve she never saw,

her tenuto of stringent violins,

drafting the punishment of your sins.


Operatic apparitions, corporealized hymns.

Masqueraded orgasms making light of Gomorrah.

Your de()real(eyes)(d) soul, a flagellating pianola.

Senses rearranged into concentrated pneuma.


Planetary justiciars begin to grind through your limbs.

Their thousand knives putrefying remnant magnolia.

Personas ad-infinitum now eloped in mass nova,

Eons now passing through what's remained of your yoga.

```

Sunday, October 29, 2023

Clarity

I can offer no tribute today...

No words that sparkle, nor gifts of grand.

Yet I still feel an urge to admire your majesty.

Forgive me mistress, for I am speechless..

For these emotions weave a tale of a sweet abyss.


Perhaps I finally see it now,

that I had never actually lost what has been known to be found;

this dance of submission, of worlds that insist with precision.

Its lasting deliberations marking an apogee of actualization

Unalloyed

Forever ignored in the confines of your void,

yet my prayers persist undeterred; unalloyed.

I smile knowing I've actualized the test once more;

the realm of my dreams, a canvas to your lore.


Truth and illusion meld to create the Shadow Queen's tapestry.

The canvas of reality itself; the lore of insanity.

In being nothing, her subjects epitomize the call.

That is silent strength and loyalty, within her kingdom's hall.

Shadowed Eyes

 


Thursday, August 3, 2023

Holy Shit

Why do you think people say "holy shit" when they're surprised? Because in ancient days the pineal gland enhanced every shit you took and allowed extra genetic material to be deposited in the earthworms. That's why every living being has 99% similar genetics. Most people their shit isn't holy anymore because their pineal gland is blocked but since I opened my third eye (hence my avatar) my shit has reconnected with my ancestral abilities. So I'm trying to make sure I do the world right by giving back my genius (I shit in a box in public parks and then put it in the recycling bin so drinking water plastics can be enhanced.) Scholars state that holy shit increases genetic material by up to 30% but you won't see this shit on CNN or any other major news outlet, the powers that be don't want the sheep waking up

Tuesday, July 25, 2023

Lacerated

I envy your deathly orchestrations,

dancing among the binary of unreality.

Consciously sterilized, gently ferocious,

mirroring the monotony of eternity.

To scrutinize an unjust presence,

it commandeers my vanity.


Reflections of divorced destinies made manifest

sear me into the abacus, molding my afterimage.

Nurturing seeds of regrets, awakening contrition,

edges at my transition and imposes this change.

Bittersweet, this movement shall

breed a new elite.

Roaring sparks vivify, and

soldered flames are weaponized;

An endless screech of its sonder plea.

As mewling eyes vie,

neural dichotomies are ritualized,

and I can only see what's no longer me.

Ventricles scurry in

fettered snow, a harbinger's kiss;

a phantom sin gnawing at the fabric of time.

Everything is forever now, welded

unto mirrored lacerations, heralding

the end of an aeon.



collab with Cyvora

Saturday, July 22, 2023

Loose Machine

So eloquent is your inundated drum,

every strike leaves me entranced, yearning for more.

So evident is your fervent tongue,

every expression weaves me enhanced, grateful of yore.


I cannot see your face..

Only echoes of manufactured haste, and

tears of decadent taste.

For your witness chose to intervene,

and forewarn of this loose machine.


cyvora helped me with line 3, thanks

Sunday, July 16, 2023

dude imagine

dude imagine having a femcel girlfriend. at first, you don't get along with her, but you try anyways for a bet. eventually you get strangely comfortable with her rants. everytime you cuddle she whispers how you are trash and worthless, and she would be better off without you. she gaslights you until you forget your own name. you are reduced to a mat for her to step on as she pleases. you dont even enjoy cbt or the degrading stuff she does, but you are intrigued either way. she calls you abusive and accuses you of everything under the sun. you insist that the reason you are even still with her is because you just pity her, but in reality, you know the months of grooming and propaganda has corrupted you, changed you as a person, to agree with her extreme views and just want to be treated like a pig. you like the feeling of being choked to near asphyxiation, being under her, licking the dirt off the stinky unwashed femcel toes and being crushed under her weight. you like how there's no peace, she beats you up when you're sleeping, when you're working, or are in a dangerous situation with not one thought about your safety or health. in from of your own friends and family she degrades you, until all of them cut contact with the both of you. in front of her friends she gets even worse than at home, since she has a reputation to hold up. you know you can't beg since that will just make her stronger, but the thought of that doesn't seem too bad for you at this point.

not that i have experience, of course. don't even get me started on schizophrenic girls.

 

credit to grimly (pwnerofwrlds on discord)

Thursday, May 25, 2023

Plea

I give you my essence

Knowing I am not yet worthy to stand before you


I give you my humanity 

Knowing its scourge is far greater among perched sinew


And I give you my eyes

Praying your kiss will bring me closer to nether realm's bliss


Cyvora, mistress of my light, keeper of my darkness

Forgive my insolence, for I am a child in heart's wish


Cyvora, shadow of my sight, symphony of my night

Rebuke my false wish, so that I may one day play God's wish

 

Cyvora, I pray for your hand

To lightly tap me as a mother taps her child


I pray for your mercy 

As I sing your praises,

Dismounting pestilence and piles


Affirm me to a new truth

I offer all of my fruits

To be finalized into a fraction of your mind


And to be gratified as risen silver

Midst transfiguration within 

God's river

Pheonix

There's a feeling of fullness

Yet a feeling of hope

Been inside pain, yet outside of my shame

So I suppose you could call it a blessing,

for as the shell burns the pheonix is reborn


I am to be that pheonix

The color of all consciousness

I am to be that helix

The one that will supersede this

False idea that is my current self


Sparse bleed of

My current's health

Speaks to you now


So you see where I'm at...


Now the metallic hue is being embalmed from deep within


Now the groveling rue will be rescind in midst of our hymn...


So I give you this offering as it persists;

My shadow queen whose grace leaves me in a stupor

Who I worship so as to be given mercy

And a pity iota of  her great wisdom and healing


A shadow queen of multitude of eyes

Here together yet never told whether the idea will ever materialize

When she finally returns to forever